


Falling In Love Might Just Break My Heart

by unoriginalrhombus



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-02-23
Packaged: 2017-12-03 09:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/696801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unoriginalrhombus/pseuds/unoriginalrhombus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"To say Quinn was shocked would be an understatement. To say Quinn was above taking the walk of shame—more like climb out the window of shame—after sneaking out of Rachel's bed, the freaking Rachel Berry's bed, would be a lie." Set after Season 1. Mostly AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling In Love Might Just Break My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Soooo, this is another re-post from my LJ Boldpapermate. As I explained in a few other fics, it's honestly easier for me to have everything in one place that way I can become encouraged to finish the stories I lost all hunger for (this one). Or even to find motivation to write other stories. I have to say that I haven't seen this story in years and it was supposed to be a two-shot story but I never got around to posting the second part. Please comment and review so I can know whether or not to finish this! Thank you for your time!

" _Well I'm a zombie, because it treats you right._

_I'll take you home at night, when you see me._

_Don't be distracted, by my hungry eyes, increasing appetite,_

_If you love me_

_Don't be so vicious, superstitious,_

_Cause when you hold me tight,_

_You know I won't be._

_And if you please me, never tease me,_

_When we get home tonight,_

_I'll let you love me."_

Zombie-Lights from Space

To say Quinn was shocked would be an understatement.

To say Quinn was above taking the walk of shame—more like climb out the window of shame—after sneaking out of Rachel's bed, the freaking Rachel Berry's bed, would be a lie.

To say Quinn could man up, be the bigger person, and wait till Rachel had woken up so they could discuss the events of the night before, would be false advertising.

She wasn't even sure about the events of the night before, but waking up naked—yes naked—next to an almost naked Rachel, who was spooning Quinn, mind you, her head pounding, and her clothes strewn about the floor pretty much threw most theories out the window.

Quinn hadn't even wanted to go to the stupid party in the first place. She was still in some type of mourning over giving her daughter away for adoption; she didn't know it was possible to be this upset over something that had made her gain ten pounds. Everyone had tried to cheer her up, telling her that she could have her old life back, be the old Quinn, with some minor technicalities.

But she wasn't that Quinn anymore, and she didn't want to be that Quinn again.

After she had given up the baby, Quinn's parents had come around, begging for her to come back home, and even though Quinn was highly tempted by their offer—because regardless of the situation, Quinn always needed the approval of her parents—that was old Quinn, the Quinn that hadn't been kicked out by her parents and subjected to bouncing around people's homes. Living with the Berry's had changed her. She had gotten to see what a real family was like, and even though she couldn't stop herself from bouncing with freaken joy when her parents had asked her to move back home, she had politely declined. Her home wasn't her home anymore, and her family wasn't a family.

Quinn was starting to think that a family was whatever you wanted it to be. Glee was her family, Rachel's dads were her family, Rachel—however obnoxious she still was—was her family, and now she's gone and fucked that up too, literally. She silently cursed Puck and that delicious punch he had made, she should had known better then to drink whatever Puck handed to her, but he had insisted it'd make her feel better. So she had done it, against the little voice in her head that sounded remarkably like Martha Stewart.

If it hadn't been for Rachel and Finn working in cahoots to throw this stupid Glee party 'the last time before junior year that I'll actually acknowledge that I know you guys in public' as Santana had so nicely put it, she wouldn't be in this situation. It had started with Rachel deciding that Quinn 'subjected herself to staying inside to much, instead of basking in the fineness that is summer', and before she knew it, a party was in the works.

The last thing she had needed was a party, especially a party where Rachel spent most her time fawning over Finn, and Finn spent most the time acting like he was the hottest thing since Taylor Lautner. A party that involved lots of alcohol, lots of music, and lots of Finn and Rachel giving each other these puppy eyes, which was just disgusting.

It wasn't like she was jealous.

She was over Finn, way over him, she was practically flying over his head. The thing most people don't get is that she wasn't in love with Finn; she was more in love with the idea of Finn then she ever was with the actual person. Everyone expected them to be together, so they were, and they were fine with the façade they were putting on. It was good until it wasn't, it worked until it didn't, and she had tried to love Finn until she couldn't.

So she totally wasn't jealous.

But just because she wasn't jealous, and Rachel was her roomy, didn't mean she was up for all the lovey dovey crap—the shy smiles and the puppy eyes—because that was one thing about Quinn that'd never change. She hated love. She was justified, right? Her parents hardly cared for her, hey boyfriends only wanted her for her body, and people were only her friend because they thought she was scary. Sometimes it's easier to imagine her being a zombie, because zombies don't really feel things, and sometimes she wonders if she feels things. People don't love zombies, and people don't really love her.

Maybe that's why she was such a bitch for all those years, because she was jealous of what others had, but too shallow to admit it. She still couldn't admit it. Admit that the Quinn Fabray who seemingly had everything she ever wanted actually never did, because the one thing she had ever wanted was someone to love her. Quinn wasn't an idiot; she knew how hard it was to love her. She was admittingly high maintenance (unfortunately like Rachel), she was vain, she was rude, and she was a bitch. But even ice queens deserve to feel wanted.

She hadn't really been shocked when her parents kicked her out. Well, actually she was pretty shocked because parents are supposed to love you no matter what, but deep down Quinn had kind of always known they didn't love her. If there was one thing she'd learned in life, it's that people are all about the appearances. At least the people in Lima were, and her family was no exception. Neither was Finn, and neither was Sue.

The day she had been kicked off the Cheerios was possibly the worst day in her life, counting that one time she had gum stuck in her hair. Her and Sue's relationship wasn't conventional, it wasn't even healthy, but it was a relationship nonetheless. Sue had been the first person to tell Quinn she was good at something, and that she had the ability to make it far away from Lima. Sue had trained her, given her things she needed, protected her, mostly because Sue needed Quinn, and it was okay because Quinn needed her too. The day Coach Sylvester no longer required her services was a day Quinn would rather not remember, it kind of makes this part of her heart ache. Not being needed was worse than not being wanted, because she really was alone.

For all the bravado Quinn put on, she still had fears, she was still afraid of god abandoning her as well as everyone else. She was still afraid of being alone, which is why she was now stuck in the position of avoiding someone who lived right across the hall. Acknowledging what happened isn't even an option. Quinn didn't like to admit it, but for all the unnerving things Rachel was or did, Quinn had grown to care for her. Somehow they had formed a sort of friendship. They had movie nights every Friday that always ended with them having some sort of cuddlefest. They ate lunch together on a regular basis. They sat next to each other in all 3 of their classes, and Rachel always saved Quinn a seat next to her in Glee. They studied together, ate together, and on more than one occasion, fell asleep together.

Rachel had taken this tiny little piece of Quinn, the piece that had been broken down by her family, Finn, and nearly all of the student body, and had nurtured it. She had made that little piece of Quinn feel needed again; Rachel had made her heart beat. Rachel was the only one who tried—so maybe that's why she was the only one who had succeeded—to care about Quinn, and it sort of made her want to swell her heart with pride at the thought of someone loving her.

She's reminded of the reason why she's walking aimlessly in the street at 2am in the morning. The neighbors probably thought she was a freak, a freak who likes taking walks of shame in the dead of the night. Quinn shuddered as she thought about Rachel lying there in practically nothing. This was all a little too much like The L Word for her. Quinn headed back towards the house, a full on plan of ignorance in the works. She could do this.

She was Quinn freaking Fabray.

* * *

 

The next morning Quinn had made sure to wake up early, take care of most the chores, and quickly eat her breakfast that Arthur (who Rachel calls daddy) and Niko (who Rachel calls dad, and apparently it's a cool shortening of Nikolas) had made for Quinn. Rachel's dads were so nice and so unlike anybody Quinn had ever experienced that she hated herself for every bad thing she'd ever said about them. Sometimes she even felt—more like wished—they were her fathers. If they didn't care about Quinn the way they did Rachel, they never showed it, because they treated them exactly the same, as if they were both their daughters, and Quinn loved them for that.

She had gotten distracted by the tale Niko had been telling, involving the time Rachel had refused to go to preschool without her tutu on. Claiming—even at the age of 5—that tutus were for stars, and she was going to be a star some day. Quinn could barely hold in her laughter until she saw Rachel stumble into the kitchen, her body worse for wear.

"Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in last night," Quinn looked over to see Arthur smiling.

"I highly doubt that is possible, considering my height and weight class," Rachel replied quietly as she walked over to get a cup of water.

Niko shook his head, "And here I thought it was because you couldn't fit in the flap door."

Quinn smiled softly and avoided eye contact. This was all kinds of awkward. She heard a clink of glass and assumed Rachel had downed her glass of water.

"Here I thought it was because we didn't own a cat."

"Against much whining and tantrums on my part daddy," Rachel replied, "and if I recall correctly, various powerpoints."

Quinn tried not to choke on her orange juice, "You did powerpoints when you wanted a kitty?"

Against her own personal rule, which she had just set five minutes ago, she looked at Rachel. Rachel was peering softly at her, too softly, and for a little too long like she was remembering something extremely entertaining. Quinn ignored the looks Rachel's dads gave both of them, and so did Rachel, she just continued to look at Quinn questioningly until Niko cleared his throat.

"It was quite convincing, even at the age of seven."

"Yes, I did make extremely valid points, but still no kitty."

Niko laughed lightly, and looked at Arthur, "then we were subjected to annual powerpoints every year till she was 15."

Quinn smiled slightly, that sounded exactly like Rachel.

"I was anything if not persistent. I'm a doer." Rachel waved her hands above her head in a little mock cheer. It was a little too much for Quinn and she remembered exactly what had happened last night. Quinn quickly scrambled off the chair, and straightened out her clothes with the palm of her hand.

"I gotta go, ya know, do stuff. Teen stuff, lots and lots of teen stuff to do. Yay."

Quinn smiled and bounded the steps two at a time, hearing Rachel mutter something about forgetting to turn off her clock behind her. She was halfway up the stairs when she heard a pair of footsteps behind her.

Quinn practically bolted her door shut after running in, just in time to see Rachel reach out for her.

"Quinn."

"I can't talk. I've got mono."

"Quinn? You are aware that mono is in fact a kissing disease and it doesn't affect your speech right?"

Quinn frowned and crossed her arms over her chest, even though Rachel couldn't see her.

"Yeah…well, it's a mutated strand. I wouldn't come near me or allow me to speak if you want your voice to stay unaffected."

Quinn heard shuffling behind the door, and she leaned in closer, her ear practically leaning against it.

"Quinn. We have to talk about this."

"Are you aware that if you don't leave me alone, I'll make you catch this mutated mono and you'll ruin your precious voice?"

It was a low blow she knew. But there was really no other way to get Rachel to leave her alone. She heard Rachel sigh on the other side of the door and could almost perfectly envision the brunette frowning, biting the side of her lip like she always did when she was worried or exasperated.

"Please, like some disease could keep me away from you."

It was whispered, and it was so soft that it sounded mumbled, but Quinn still heard it anyway, and she didn't really like how her heart did that little flippy thingy. Since when did her heart start doing that little flippy thingy? Quinn frowned, and against better judgment, opened the door to reveal Rachel who was holding a box of chocolates.

Quinn raised her eyebrow questioningly at Rachel then the box of chocolates, then Rachel again. Rachel just shrugged before walking in. Quinn closed the door behind her quietly.

"Noah said you like chocolate when you're upset."

"You talked to Puck?"

Rachel shrugged and lifted her phone up, "More like texted him. Noah is really one insightful individual, when he isn't trying to get into my pants."

Quinn ignored the flash of anger along with the notion that she didn't know Rachel and Puck texted each other. Instead she just frowned, "What the hell do you want Berry?"

"You shouldn't frown; it'll ruin your features."

Quinn crossed her arms, and continued to glare.

"Look, Quinn…I'm not exactly sure what you remember about last night, and to be quite honest, my mind's a little foggy too. But waking up in a bed practically naked, with a small memory as to who you were naked in that bed with, kind of makes all assumptions disappear."

It wasn't exactly all truth, Rachel's mind was foggy, but not because of the alcohol, and not because of the events that had happened the night before. It was mostly foggy because she hadn't eaten anything, and she was starved, but she didn't need to tell Quinn that.

It had been a party in Quinn's honor, because Rachel had known just how down she had been lately, and she wanted to cheer her up. She hadn't intended to drink the pretty little mixes Puck had made. She hadn't planned on drinking 5 of them, and she hadn't planned on Quinn drinking so many either. But they were good, and everything was insanely funny after she had them.

"Rachel. Rachel. Rachel," Quinn had mumbled as they finally stumbled up the stairs to her bedroom. They were being as quiet as they could so they wouldn't wake her dads.

Rachel just giggled and shut the door behind Quinn, "Quinn. Quinn. Quinn."

Quinn smiled at her as she sat down on the bed, "I like how my name sounds. Quinn," Quinn frowned quickly.

"Quinn," Rachel giggled as she walked—more like crawled and stumbled—over towards Quinn, "Why the sad face sugar drop?"

Quinn looked at over at Rachel before squinting, "I only like how my name sounds when you say it."

"I did take speech and annunciation classes for 3 years. That's probably it."

Quinn shrugged and opened her arms, insinuating to have Rachel crawl in between them. If someone would had told Rachel that somewhere in her future she'd be cuddling with one Quinn Fabray, the same Quinn Fabray who had slushied her more times than they would like to remember, Rachel would have told them to stop doing drugs, because it's bad for your health. But here she was, crawling into the arms of her once enemy, and she couldn't be happier.

The friendship had started rocky, but once things started to get easier, Rachel had noticed that she genuinely liked Quinn. A lot more then she'd like to admit. Quinn was actually a genuine person when she let herself be, and she was far more intriguing then she let on. Plus, regardless of all pretenses, it did get lonely sometimes for Rachel. Sometimes being an only child was just being a lonely child. Quinn wrapped her arms around Rachel as Rachel rested her head on Quinn's chest; her arms wrapped around Quinn's waist. It was a lot more comfortable then it sounded.

"I like the way you say everything." Quinn whispered.

Rachel raised her eyes to look at Quinn's face, which was peering down at her. She leaned her hand up quickly to trace Quinn's jaw line with her thumb.

"Yeah? Well I like the way you dance."

Quinn scrunched her face as Rachel kept tracing her jaw, "It's because I'm talented."

Rachel nodded, "Very talented."

Quinn grinned stupidly, "I like the way you dress. Even if it makes you look like a grandma."

"Well then. I like EVERYTHING about you."

Quinn quickly pulled away, and unscrambled herself out of Rachel's body. Her hair was messed up, her make-up slightly smeared, and Quinn's chest was rising and falling rapidly. She was beautiful.

"Don't lie."

Rachel scrambled to her feet, or her knees actually, which was hard considering she just felt the full impact of all those damn drinks. She steadied herself for a second.

"Woah, head rush. I'm not lying, Quinn!"

"Yes you are. People don't…people don't want me." Rachel felt her heart fall as she looked at Quinn who was looking everywhere but at Rachel. Rachel scooted a bit closer.

"I want you."

Quinn looked doubtful, but kept her hands crossed in front of her chest and leaned in a little closer to Rachel.

"People don't love me."

Rachel felt anger swell in her heart. It was Quinn's parents that made her feel this way, and it was stupid that people could make Quinn feel so unwanted.

"I love you."

Rachel hadn't intended to say it, at least not while she was completely wasted and felt the urge to vomit. She hadn't planned on saying it first, Rachel always assumed—more like planned because Quinn was such a softie—she'd say it after Quinn, but plans never worked in her favor.

Quinn looked shocked as she leaned in closer to Rachel, their lips only inches apart. She stared at Rachel in the eyes.

"You do?" Quinn whispered, like she couldn't believe someone had it in them to actually love her.

Rachel nodded and leaned in some more until her lips were practically grazing Quinn's, "If you'll let me."

Quinn smiled at that, satisfied, and leaned in to kiss Rachel. It hadn't been what she had expected. The kiss was soft and tender, everything Quinn made herself out not to be. For some strange reason, Rachel felt like this is what they had been gearing towards all along.

Things progressed pretty quickly, and before she knew it Quinn was biting into Rachel's shoulder to keep from screaming out her name. They steeled down after that, and Rachel let herself think about how surprised she was at how good the sex was. Quinn seemed surprised too. Rachel shouldn't have been though, one time Kurt had told her they were destined to either kill each other, or have really great sex due to all the tension. Rachel would be pleased to tell him it wasn't the former.

As she drifted off into sleep, she heard Quinn mumble, "I'm such a zombie."

Rachel smiled as she intertwined their fingers together, "And I'm a robot. It looks like we were made for each other."

Rachel can't say she was surprised by the fact that she had woken up with a hangover, or even that she had woken up alone. She was more shocked by the fact that she had woken up with a hangover, alone, with no sign of Quinn. Not even a shirt, or a note. It was like it never happened, and that bugged Rachel to no end.

So here she was standing in front of Quinn, a box of chocolates in her hands –because she'd never really learned how to handle confrontation—trying to get Quinn to say something to her. Or even acknowledge that it happened.

Quinn looked around guiltily, "Rachel. Can't we just forget about it and go back to the way things were? You can still be with Finn, I won't say anything."

Rachel sighed inwardly; Quinn still thought all of this was about Finn? That all of this had been about Finn? Maybe she had judged Quinn wrong.

Rachel crossed her arms over her chest, she wasn't some damn whore people got to sleep with and then forget about. She was a person.

"Fine."

She started to walk out the door, and shrugged off Quinn's attempt to put her hand on her shoulder. If Quinn wanted to pretend like nothing happened, she'd pretend like nothing happened.

Rachel ignored the whispered, "Rachel," she heard as she exited the room, and ignored the pang in her heart she now felt at hearing Quinn say her name.

* * *

 

It was a wonderful life, except it really wasn't.

Quinn had a feeling she was let off the wonderful bus around the same time she had gotten knocked up—which was nothing like in the movies, in case people were wondering—and got dropped off in crazy land.

In freaken crazy land.

Because the stuff she was feeling, the stuff she was ignoring and pretending didn't happen, that stuff couldn't be possible. That stuff had to be a part of some cruel joke, or she had to be in some alternate universe because she couldn't…she couldn't possibly like Rachel in that way. She couldn't add sleeping with Rachel—because waking up naked kind of killed the assumption that it was just a cuddlefest—to her long list of regrettable mistakes. That would mean she was acknowledging it, and Quinn wasn't all for acknowledging a moment of confusion, in which she had acted on a gay impulse.

Not even a kinda sorta gay impulse.

Everyone had them at some point, she was almost positive. Quinn could just chalk it up as her feeling vulnerable, and Rachel being there in her moment of need. Except Quinn was pretty sure that wasn't the case. Her being vulnerable didn't explain that weird pain in her stomach when she thought about how Rachel possibly wanted her.

In some strange twisted way, it kind of made her heart swell, and herself feel a little giddy, because maybe someone out there cared for her, and not just because they would benefit by doing so. But either way, what happened could never be remembered. It just wasn't an option. Like canoodling or deep fried oreos, Quinn was dead set that it was just wrong. So very, very, wrong.

She was Quinn Fabray, and she heard the whispers. She knew what people expected from her-or rather the lack of what people expected. She knew that a good eighty percent of the Lima population expected her to turn out like her mother: stuck, isolated, and having to resort to alcohol as a means to find some happiness. Quinn was beyond determined to end up better than her god awful mother. Okay, so maybe she wasn't off to the greatest start, but that was just more motivation to succeed.

Rachel Berry just got in the way.

Quinn had a notion that Rachel Berry was the devil cleverly disguised in argyle, plaid skirts, and banana perfume. She was temptation wrapped in a 5'2" frame, odd wardrobe, and an annoyingly powerful voice. If there was anything Quinn knew about herself, it's that she had never done well with temptation. Sure, she gave off the impression that she had self restraint, but hello, she had gotten pregnant at sixteen, so that obviously meant she wasn't exactly the poster child for denying herself things she wanted. Rachel Berry was something Quinn seemed to want, and it was scaring the crap out of her. She was panicking, like full on panicking, and then she was panicking at the realization that she was panicking because if she was panicking that meant she was assuming that there was totally something there to be panicking about even though she had just thought in her head five minutes ago that that couldn't possibly be the case.

Ugh. She was giving herself a headache.

She was confusing herself with all the notions in her mind, and once again her mind fell to Rachel. God, she was like this annoying little dwarf that took up residence in her mind lately. Quinn didn't know what it was but Rachel had done something no one else had ever succeeded in, although there was a general lack of attempts, she made Quinn care. She made Quinn feel wanted, whether it is by putting little post-it notes on the bathroom mirror for Quinn to read when she woke up in the morning or always packing Quinn a lunch. She made Quinn feel involved and important with such stupid, silly things.

Rachel always did stupid, silly things for Quinn. She was always so thoughtful, that it made Quinn wonder on more than one occasion, why Finn or Puck couldn't have been that way. Rachel always had a steaming cup of coffee ready for Quinn in the mornings because she knew how Quinn could barely function without caffeine. She always texted Quinn goodnight, even though they were right across the hall from each other. Whenever Quinn had nightmares about her baby ending up with people like her parents—which was more often than Quinn would ever like to admit—Rachel was always there to share her bed, and spend hours cuddling with Quinn while softly singing Britney Spears—it was the only thing that worked, okay—until Quinn would fall asleep. Rachel would make sure her fathers bought food Quinn liked whenever they went grocery shopping, and would make sure Quinn always had some input on movie night.

Rachel had even went so far as to ban her fathers from movie night, when they had accidently rented a clown horror flick, for 'being careless and forgetting to acknowledge Quinn's general fear of clowns, because they are freaky looking bastards'. Rachel made her feel loved, which in turn made her feel incredibly giddy, so she had to rethink her feelings. She had to pretend the whole sleeping with Rachel thing was a moment of hesitation. There was no need to panic over something that totally didn't require it.

Except Quinn was totally freaking out. She assumed it was either a mild heart attack or a full on panic attack. Was it just her or was she using that word a lot lately? Either way, she now had the wild urge to smoke, or hit someone, it was just that bad. Quinn was pretty sure about just how bad it was, and when Quinn was sure of something, she was generally right. Not to blow her own horn or anything, but she was kind of amazing. Quinn decided the best thing is just to keep pretending nothing happened, because she was very good at that. But even while she decided that, she felt this gnawing feeling in the pit of the stomach because she was sure of three things.

She WAS panicking.

She was kind of gay for Rachel Berry.

And she was totally going to hell.

* * *

 

You'd think that not being able to remember what had exactly happened would make things less awkward. But it didn't. If anything, the awkwardness level had risen tenfold, at least to Quinn anyway. She knew Rachel was mad. No, worse than mad, upset, she was upset and that meant that Quinn had to fly solo, which wasn't as much fun as Rachel always made it out to be.

School had started the week after the 'incident' as Quinn has taken to calling it, and Rachel hadn't really let up (it really wasn't fair how good Rachel was at holding a grudge) so she was kind of the lone warrior. She did things by herself, she sat in the corner of classes like a reject, and she was forced to sit near Santana and Brittany during Glee while Rachel avoided eye contact.

It was all kinds of depressing.

The worst thing though, the absolute worst thing was that Quinn kind of missed her. So much so that she had taken to staring at Rachel when she felt like she wasn't looking, which may look a little bit gay or whatever, but Quinn had nothing better to do and she kind of never realized how pretty Rachel looked.

So that was different too.

When she looked at Rachel, the urge to slap her was still there, just not as strong. Instead of frustration, Quinn felt something like affection. Kind of just a little bit, okay, a lot of affection. It was different and it was infuriating. But here she was, in the cafeteria staring at Rachel as she laughed at some stupid thing Finn said. He was boyishly charming, but Quinn was hot and demanding. She was pretty sure she could take him in a battle for Rachel's affection if it ever came down to it.

Wait. What was she thinking? God, she needed to revaluate her priorities.

"Can you two please stop looking like a bear mauled your face?" Santana slammed her books down on the table, jerking Quinn out of her mental breakdown. Santana had taken to sitting with Quinn only because Brittany wanted too, and what Brittany wanted, Brittany almost always got. In a way, Santana was kind of her bitch, but nobody was supposed to say it out loud, it was kind of a given.

Quinn scoffed, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Santana looked at her fingernails and scowled, "You know, the pathetic forlorn look you got going for manhands."

"I do not look pathetic or forlorn thank you. I just have a mild case of indigestion…too much popcorn last night," Quinn lied as she looked away from Rachel and down towards the table.

At least she hoped she didn't look that way.

Santana raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow, "Oh yeah. Last night was your guy's movie night; did you get your freak on?"

Quinn choked on her saliva, "Please, never say that again, and no, she didn't show."

Quinn quietly acknowledged the feeling of her heart sinking, but tried to play it off and hoped Santana didn't notice. But Santana had become ridiculously more attentive thanks to Brittany, and she now paid attention to the small things, even though she always denied that she did. So of course Santana had noticed the way Quinn's face fell a little bit, and her eyes weren't as bright, and her comebacks weren't as witty.

Santana grinned, maybe it was kind of disgusting that Quinn had a thing for _that_ _thing_ , but it was nice to know that the Quinn Fabray—the cold hearted Quinn Fabray—had a weakness, and it roamed the halls on a regular basis. Santana could totally use this to her advantage, that is, if she wasn't turning over a new leaf. Brittany had said that being in a relationship meant she had to better herself, make sacrifices, not push people into lockers, yada, yada, yada. Santana really could care less; she was only doing it for Brittany.

Santana grinned again, "How Rupaul—"

"—her name's Rachel" Quinn interrupted quickly.

Santana just continued, a smug smile on her face,"- even managed to avoid you when you live together is beyond me. What'd you do?"

Quinn opened and shut her mouth quickly, "Why do you assume it's something I did?"

"You're more of the type to screw things up. She's got freaken diagrams Quinn, and she writes out her daily activities in her planner, right down to the time she'll fall asleep and go to the bathroom. How are you _not_ the one who did something wrong?"

"Whatever." Quinn threw her hands up in surrender, Santana was right, but that didn't make it fair. She quickly glanced over to Rachel again, who happened to be looking at her too. Quinn felt heat flood her cheeks as a blush she knew was coming appeared. That was the only downside of being white.

Santana just grinned and went back to looking at her nails, "God, you are so pathetic."

The worst part was Santana was right. Again.

"I think it's actually kind of poetic." She knew in an instant the quiet whisper belonged to Brittany.

Quinn looked up to see Brittany sliding gracefully next to Santana. Santana immediately perked up, her eyes brightening a little as Brittany took out her lunch. Originally Brittany had always shared because Santana was against making lunches because 'it's gay' as Santana so nicely put it. But that was when they were in junior high, and Quinn was pretty sure Brittany did it now because she enjoyed it, and so did Santana.

"I packed us some peanut butter and banana sandwiches today," Brittany started searching through her lunch bag and started pulling out Santana's portions.

"Great. Now Santana can stop being so bitter."

"I am not bitter," Santana practically growled, shoving some of the sandwich in her mouth.

"She's just upset because Ms. Pillsbury walked in on us not having sex in the janitor's closet. Which totally isn't where we go to make out."

Quinn tried to suppress a giggle as Santana groaned, "It's all starting to make so much sense now. She just needs a little nookie."

"I don't need anything except for you to shut up."

"Whatever, it's not like I need to know what you guys do in your spare time, although it'd take an idiot not to notice."

Granted, Quinn was the only one who really knew about Santana and Brittany, and that was mostly because she'd walked in on them during a Cheerios sleepover years ago. She still wondered how nobody saw it; they were kind of blatantly obvious. Quinn was sort of proud in a way, they were good for each other and they always seemed so happy when they were together. When Quinn had found out, they had expected her to use it against them, freak out, tell, do anything but what she did, which was keep their secret. Regardless of what she said to stay in the 'it' crowd-the woes of being popular-she had nothing against gay people. She was all for equality and whatever, and she had the back of her friends. It didn't mean she was going to go shout at some parade or join some gay club, but that didn't mean she was against people being gay.

She was just against herself being gay.

Santana huffed and turned to Brittany who was humming contently, "See B? She is not poetic. Nothing about them is poetic, just pathetic."

"Regardless of the insult, I have to side with S on this one. There is nothing poetic about us, and there is nothing to be poetic about."

There really, really wasn't.

Brittany shook her head, "Nope. You guys stare at each other all the time. Whenever you're together you can't stop smiling. You kissed her that one time."

Quinn sighed, "Brittany. That was the third grade, and that was on a dare."

Brittany looked thoughtful for a second before taking a bite out of her sandwich. She chewed for a couple minutes then smiled before looking over at Quinn.

"Maybe. But you didn't have to do it and she didn't have to let you. I always figured you guys were so mean because you both didn't have enough sex-"

"Hey!" Quinn interrupted.

Brittany smiled and continued ignoring Quinn, "But then you got pregnant, so that couldn't have been it. So I thought about it, like really hard, then I realized it was because you like each other! That's why boys are so mean to girls, and it makes sense. I wondered when you'd both figure it out and I guess by the scary look on your face you just did and you're freaking out."

Santana leaned towards Brittany and patted her head, Brittany just grinned.

Quinn stared at Santana dumbfounded as Santana just shrugged, Brittany had always been more perceptive then others.

"Wow, Brittany."

Brittany smiled, "Yeah I know. I'm kind of the shit."

Santana just grinned, "And I'm kind of a badass."

Brittany leaned into Santana, bumping their shoulders together, "You're my badass."

"And you say the look I have on my face is bad," Quinn grumbled as she picked at her yogurt.

"It is. It kind of makes me want to punch you in the face."

Quinn frowned. It couldn't be _that_ bad.

"Santana," Brittany scolded, as she scooted away from Santana.

"What I mean is," Santana corrected, "is that you look so lovesick that I want to make a different emotion appear on your face. I'm trying to help you prevent frown lines."

"First off, I am NOT lovesick. I'm not some girl who's gone gay for Berry, and secondly, as opposed to what? The look you always have on your face? Where you look like you want to kidnap Brittany and have your way with her in a dirty bar bathroom." Quinn spat out, frustration clearly evident in her features. This conversation was wearing her thin.

"It's not kidnapping if I want her to do it," Brittany stated simply.

Santana grinned, "That sounds really hot."

Quinn went back to picking at her yogurt, "God, you guys are disgusting."

Quinn yelped when she felt a foot collide with her shin, "What the hell, Santana?"

Quinn looked over to see Santana frowning and glancing at Brittany with her eyes, then back at Quinn, gesturing for her to look at Brittany. When Quinn did she immediately felt bad for what she had said. Brittany eyes were slightly dimmer, the sparkle kind of gone, and her lower lip was trembling as she tried not to look Quinn in the eyes. Brittany may not have been the brightest person, and she may not have been the coolest, but she was definitely the sweetest and she never meant anyone any harm.

Quinn scooted over, "Hey B," she began softly, "I didn't mean it like that. I meant it like you guys are disgustingly sweet, like candy. You're so sweet and so good, that it bothers me cause I'm not."

Brittany looked up as Quinn placed a hand on her cheek, "But then why'd you say it in a mean way?"

Quinn shrugged, "Sometimes I don't think when I speak, and so stupid things come out."

Brittany frowned then leaned forward and hugged Quinn, almost causing them to fall off the seat. Quinn glanced at Santana to see a small smirk splaying on her lips. That was the one good thing about Brittany, as long as she was happy, so was Santana. Which meant you also had less of a chance of her setting your locker on fire, or throwing a slushie at you in the hallways.

"She's watching you ya know," Brittany whispered quietly in her ear, before she pulled away.

Quinn didn't even have to think about who she was talking about, she just didn't want to think about them at all. Quinn went back to her yogurt as Brittany and Santana went back to their sandwiches, discussing the new cheer they had to learn before that Friday.

"Hey Quinn?" Brittany asked, breaking Quinn out of the day dream that she had somehow built a time machine and had gotten her spot back on the Cheerios.

"Yeah B?"

"Do you not think before you speak a lot?"

Quinn frowned and tilted her head to the side, "What do you mean, Brittany?"

Brittany sighed, "Because you say a lot of stupid things."

Quinn bit her tongue in shock as Santana burst into full on laughter that couldn't even be extinguished as the lunch bell rang.

Brittany kind of had a point.

* * *

 

If people thought that a school as small as McKinley High would make it nearly impossible for people to avoid each other, then they'd be surprised. Rachel had to have been some sort of master at it all, or like an avoiding ninja of sorts, because Quinn had barely seen her in the past week. She only saw Rachel in classes and she was always gone before Quinn could catch a word with her. Quinn barely saw her at home, so Quinn was starting to become slightly suspicious that she had a secret trap door in her bedroom or something, because people weren't that good at being scarce. Especially obnoxious people like Rachel Berry.

It seemed the one place Rachel didn't avoid, because it was the only place Rachel was sure Quinn wouldn't go to on her own willingly, was the choir room. Rachel was right, Quinn avoided that room most days like it had the plague, but that was most days, and on most days Quinn wasn't trying to avoid Puck, who for some reason couldn't seem to get enough of her.

He sat by her in classes, he walked with her during passing period, he had even tried eating lunch with her, and to be quite honest, Quinn was starting to think she was going to be assassinated or something because Puck was _never_ that nice for no reason. Puck always had ulterior motives, that usually involved sex, and Quinn just didn't want to deal with it. So she ditched out on her 4th period math class, which was insanely boring anyway, she usually just sat in the back and tried not to fall asleep.

Math just wasn't her thing, numbers were confusing, and not to mention it was one of the classes she happened to share with both Finn and Puck. Granted they had gotten past the whole baby drama thing (thankfully) but whenever it was just the three of them stuck somewhere together, Quinn could almost feel like she could cut the tension with the knife. Finn didn't really like her being around Puck, and Puck didn't really enjoy her being around Finn, but come on, she was in a high school that had a total of 400 students, how the hell was she not going to be around one of them alone? It was aggravating. So she skipped, she was young, she was supposed to be living dangerously or whatever. It wasn't like she was going to make a habit out of it.

The first thing Quinn noticed when she entered the choir room; was that it wasn't empty. As soon as she lightly pushed open the doors, she was greeted by the sound of a piano playing softly and a soft voice that she knew immediately was Rachel's. The second thing she noticed was how her palms started to sweat and how her stomach started to clench like she ate bad meat, but that wasn't possible. She had stopped eating meat when she had started living with the Berry's because Rachel was all 'against the suffering of land animals'. So that kind of ruled that idea out.

She really hadn't intended on intruding or staring creepily from the corner like some sort of stalker, but Rachel was wearing a blue sweater and plaid skirt with ballet flats, and it was just so obnoxiously horrible that Quinn was captivated.

" Earth angel, earth angel, please be mine, my darling dear, love you all the time, I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you," Rachel sang as Quinn watched her from afar, trying to be very ninja like and not get noticed. Quinn watched Rachel's fingers ghost across the keys on the piano, her eyes closed and her voice soft. So maybe she'd never say it, but Quinn had always been awed by Rachel's voice. She didn't need to ever admit that out loud though; Rachel's head and ego were already twice the size they needed to be.

"I fell for you and I knew, the vision of your loveliness, I hope and pray that someday, that I'll be the vision of your happiness," Rachel continued. Quinn kind of hated how she hoped Rachel wasn't singing about Finn, because granted he was a good guy, but he didn't deserve Rachel. She was way too much for Finn; she deserved so much more than him and this town. Quinn was kind of hit with the idea that maybe she should leave, because even if she wanted to stay and listen, she was pretty sure she was crossing some boundaries.

Quinn decided the best option was to be stealthy and escape the way she came, except apparently stealth wasn't really her thing and she ended up tripping over her own feet and crashing into some stands. Rachel jerked her eyes open and stopped playing to look towards the blonde mess on the floor.

"Quinn?"

If she wasn't in so much pain, Quinn's ego probably would have been bruised too. She scrambled to her feet quickly and tried to make herself as presentable as possible, it was probably too late to pretend she was a figment of Rachel's imagination and run away.

"It's me."

Quinn cursed herself silently, of course it was her.

Rachel stood up and hesitantly stepped towards Quinn, "Are you okay?"

Quinn nodded, "Yeah, everything besides my ego is probably functional."

Rachel grinned, "Well we both know you killed it months ago. Probably around that same time you got your head stuck in the door."

"Hey! That was totally not my fault, they just kind of closed on me, and I couldn't get it open…and I panicked. Stop laughing," Quinn huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

She had been reaching to pull her keys out the door, and her baby bump had accidently shut it so that her neck was stuck. Quinn hadn't known how to get the door open without hitting her bump and she had panicked. Okay, so maybe she wasn't good under pressure, no biggie. It took fifteen minutes of her screaming before Rachel came down the stairs and proceeded to help her out of the door before full on laughing.

"Don't pout. That's my trademark," Rachel challenged, a hint of a sparkle in her eye.

"Along with being obnoxious," Quinn sneered.

"At least I didn't get my head stuck in a door."

Quinn threw her hands into the air frustrated and Rachel had to suppress a giggle, actually, many giggles. Rachel had missed this the past week—the playful bickering—because it kept Rachel on her toes. Let's face it, she was short, so she needed all the help she could get.

She wasn't exactly sure why she had been avoiding Quinn. Quinn had given Rachel an easy out to the problem they had literally stumbled into. So she should have been happy, right? She should have been bouncing with joy at the knowledge that everything between her and Quinn could go back to normal and she could still be Rachel Berry. The Rachel Berry who got the boy while maintaining her demanding schedule. She would get to be happy. Except she wasn't happy, and it was frightening her.

At an early age Rachel had always known what she wanted, she had always known what she was going to become, and even though most people mocked her for it, she just knew it was because they were jealous that she was so driven. She had her life planned down to the very time and day she'd be married. She wasn't supposed to end up with Finn, she knew that, she planned for that, but he was supposed to be her high school sweetheart, her first for everything, and Quinn kind of ruined that like she ruined everything else.

Quinn wasn't a part of her plan, she wasn't supposed to fit in, she wasn't on Rachel's life diagram that she had posted to her door, so it shouldn't have worked. Except it did, and Quinn somehow slid in so easily to Rachel's life that Rachel wasn't sure what to do. Quinn had somehow managed to not only mess up Rachel's life plans, her diagram, and her heart, but her wellbeing as well.

Rachel had never been stupid enough to assume she was gay or straight as a kid. She grew up with gay parents, so she had decided that an early age that she wasn't one to discriminate about someone's gender. If she ever happened to fall in love, then it'd be with the person, not with the person's sexuality. So she wasn't freaking out like she was sure Quinn was freaking out. She wasn't freaked out because she had slept with a girl, she was freaked out that she had slept with Quinn. The _one_ girl that she should have known was off limits.

Now she was all screwed up, her plans were teetering off course, and she had thrown away her diagram. She had just thrown it away! She hadn't really intended on ignoring Quinn, but she was sure that if they acted the same way that they used to then Quinn would know something was different. Rachel was beyond agitated, she couldn't sit still, and her singing was being affected. She now felt the urge to listen to all these sappy love songs, and it was just wrong because she wasn't that girl that fell in love and changed her whole life plan to accommodate someone. Not even someone like Quinn, whose faults were kind of her perfections. God, she was pathetic.

Not that she was admitting she was in love or anything, because she wasn't. She totally wasn't, Quinn had just taken residence up in her head lately, and Rachel was sure it had to be a phase, like that one time she wouldn't leave her house without her supergirl lunchpail. She'd just grow out of it right?

She had spent the last week pretending to avoid Quinn when she had in fact done the exact opposite. She had sort of creepishly watched her from afar, paid attention when Quinn thought she wasn't looking, and on one occasion she had even watched her sleep. So maybe that was a little weird, but she had been worried Quinn was going to have another nightmare, so she was completely justified in her actions.

So she had tried to find something new to focus on, and fortunately that new thing had been Finn. He was so into Rachel that he didn't pay attention to the fact that she didn't feel the same way about him anymore, it was perfect. She still liked him, but after Quinn had her baby, Rachel had learned that the things that were appealing to her about Finn weren't really that appealing. He was sweet and charming, but he was also kind of dense, and when you have to explain to someone that aloof is not Hitler's first name—not once but several times—you kind of lose interest.

So she was stuck, no really she was stuck, because Quinn was in the room with her, and she was ranting about how _anyone_ could get their head stuck in a door, and how it's not fair to judge and she's just so beautiful, that Rachel realizes she's screwed, in every aspect of the word. And that maybe just this once, she isn't so bothered by it.

"I can't believe I'm being mocked by Rachel Berry," Quinn finished quietly, as her anger from her rant dissipated a bit.

Rachel frowned, "What is that supposed to mean?"

Quinn tried to hide a grin as she sighed, "It means you wear knee high socks for crying out loud, and you need a booster seat when we go to the movies."

"It's not my fault people have giant heads!" Rachel yelled, her height was always something that bothered her.

Quinn placed her hands in front of her as a defense, "Hey, I'm not judging, I understand the limitations of being five-foot-two-"

"I'm five-foot-two and three quarters," Rachel corrected

Quinn paused and looked thoughtful for a second, "Right, you're right, I forgot about that. You can't forget about those three quarters, they make a _big_ difference."

Rachel just nodded her head furiously, not noticing that Quinn was amused by her.

"So you see," Quinn continued amused, "I understand the need for a booster seat; it's nothing to be embarrassed over."

Rachel sighed for a second, before looking back up, her eyes shining mischievously, "But at least I didn't get my head stuck in a door."

Quinn yelled in frustration and crossed her arms over her chest, "It was one time!"

"All it takes is one time, Quinn." Rachel was aware at how dirty that sounded, or how it sounded like she was propositioning Quinn, but she just shrugged it off and continued to not meet Quinn's eyes.

"You'd think someone would have told me that before I got knocked up," Quinn mumbled while scuffing her shoes on the floor.

Rachel's heart skipped a beat for a second, like literally skipped a freaking beat, "It's kind of a given, didn't they teach you that in Jesus Camp?"

Quinn groaned, "I told you that in confidence!"

Now Quinn just sort of wished she could take that moment of confidence back, it was a time in her life she actually was somewhat fond of, but it was still embarrassing. They had sat around a campfire, sang Jesus songs, played basketball. It was exactly like camp except they had to wake up every morning at seven and pray to the Lord.

Rachel hadn't responded yet, and that wasn't usually like her. She was all talk and no quiet, she generally filled all silences with her voice, except for now. Quinn was reminded of why she had skipped her class and come to the Choir room in the first place. She remembered exactly how she'd been ditched for this past week. It kind of stung, not just the fact that she had been ditched by Rachel Berry, but that she had been ditched at all.

"Rachel?"

Rachel looked up, careful not to meet Quinn's eyes and just stared at the wall behind her, "Yeah?"

"You've been avoiding me."

Rachel shrugged and bit her bottom lip, "I know."

"And here I thought you'd try and deny it," Quinn said jokingly.

Rachel smiled slightly, "You know that's not my style."

It really wasn't, but sometimes Quinn wished it was.

"Rach?" Quinn hadn't used Rachel's nickname since her baby had been born and Rachel froze, startled.

"Yes?"

Quinn cocked her head to the side and looked at Rachel. Not how people usually did, but like really really looked at her, until Rachel started to feel a little uncomfortable. She was seriously sure five minutes must have passed, the fat lady must have sung, and Britney Spears must have become sane because those few minutes passed by agonizingly slow.

Quinn sighed, "I kind of sort of miss you."

Rachel hated how her heart seemed to crack. She wasn't supposed to give in this easily. Rachel licked her lips, maybe she didn't just want friendship with Quinn, but maybe Quinn was worth just having a friendship with. This past week had sucked without her, and Rachel figured she was slightly losing her mind from spending so much time with Finn. Plus, with all the time she'd spent around Finn recently, she saw Puck start to wander around Quinn more and it burned her deep down to her 6 foot flats. She had always known Puck was in some kind of love with Quinn, but he didn't deserve her. Quinn deserved better then the treatment she'd been subjected to recently.

Quinn watched Rachel puff air into her cheeks as she glanced from the corner of her eye. Quinn was never able to look someone in the eye after admitting something personal; it was kind of a trait she'd gathered from her daddy. He had always said that personal statements showed weakness and weaknesses make you vulnerable. She was a Fabray; she wasn't allowed to be weak.

Except Quinn kind of felt okay being weak around Rachel, so maybe her father had been wrong. Quinn jerked as she felt a pair of cold arms wrap around her waist and a head settle against her chest underneath her chin. Quinn smiled softly and wrapped her arms around Rachel, enjoying the hug she hadn't felt in a week. Rachel shoved her face in Quinn's neck and she tried not to laugh as Rachel hummed, because Quinn was incredibly ticklish.

"I missed you too Quinnie," Rachel mumbled into her chest.

Quinn swatted Rachel's shoulder playfully, "I thought we agreed that I didn't appreciate that nickname?"

Rachel shook her head, "I thought we agreed I didn't care?"

Quinn rolled her eyes, "You're so demanding."

"You know you love it."

Quinn sighed and started rubbing circles on Rachel's back, "You know I missed it."

Rachel pulled away and looked at Quinn before grinning sheepishly. It was hard not to smile at Rachel any time she grinned; her smile was just that contagious.

"Friends?"

"When were we not?" Quinn replied as she wrapped her arms around Rachel again, and Rachel tucked her head back in her neck. They both ignored the fact that the bell was ringing, and the fact that people would be entering the choir room soon, and that they kind of looked like they were doing it, or about to. Either way it didn't matter.

"When will we never be?" Rachel asked quietly. Quinn wasn't so sure what Rachel had meant. Right now she was content standing in the choir room, looking like some lesbian who was hugging the shit out of her best friend. Quinn had her friend back and she was satisfied, except for this gnawing feeling in the back of her stomach that she was choosing to ignore at the moment.

Rachel had her friend back and she wasn't satisfied. Because she had finally acknowledged the gnawing feeling in the back of her mind as the fact that she wasn't okay with just being friends.


End file.
